7:05 -- Jay arrives at the gym, wearing sweatpants. He feels self-conscious.

7:09 -- Jay is exhausted.

7:15 -- Jay decides he needs some variety in his workout routine.

When I was in high school, my mom joined the gym at the local YMCA, and she "encouraged" me to come along and exercise with her. It's been something like eight years, and my mom still goes to the gym regularly. I, on the other, quit after about three weeks. You see, of course when you go to the gym, there will always be those enormous hyperactive-pituitary guys who can lift the entire stack of weights with one hand. And there are the inevitable stick-figure women who carry their non-stick yoga mats with them at all times and, when they're not busy doing downward facing dog or brave warrior pose or stretching their leg behind their head, they're blabbing incessantly about the miracle of wheat germ smoothies. And the guy who can't figure out the NordikTrak for the life of him. But... but, but, but since the YMCA isn't one of those real gyms that you see advertised on TV, there are also a lot of elderly people, sweatbands around their withering figures, hobbling into the gym with their walkers, over to the machine I was just using, and lifting more weight than I was. That was just never very good for my already frail ego.

7:22 -- Bad news: Jay feels like he's going to puke. Good news: Jay is too nauseous to feel self-conscious about his sweatpants. He still feels self-conscious about his posture, though, not to mention the fact that the gym is a good place to get a hard-on.

7:28 -- Jay decides it's time to leave. He's been here twenty-three minutes, even though the guy with great abs on the TV commercial says it only takes eight minutes.

7:29 -- Stretching. Jay doesn't really know why it's important, but he's overcome with this vague feeling that he should do it. Maybe that's what they mean by "runner's high."

7:31 -- Jay stands around in the gym, realizing that he doesn't know how to stretch. He fakes it.

That's the catch-22, you know? I don't particularly like being a wuss who's been known to get that clammy feeling simply walking to the gym, but I'd rather be a wuss than a wuss in an environment where everybody's reminding him just how much of a wuss he really is.

Oh, I almost forgot... 6:56 -- Jay eats three brownies, kind of defeating the whole purpose of exercising in the first place.