As part of Columbia's end-of-the-year celebration, they're having all sorts of stuff-your-face gluttony contests on the steps in front of Low Library. The first contest is beer chugging. Excuse me? Beer chugging? How good are all the remaining hot-dog-eating and pie-eating and roast-pig-eating contests going to be if everyone's sluggish and lethargic from all the beer? If I was running the thing, I'd make the first contest espresso chugging. A whole carafe full. Then we'd see some fun contests afterwards.