Food is some weird, weird stuff. For example, I got a roast lamb sandwich at Tartare for lunch today and, surprised by the fact that I'd unwittingly ordered the lunch special, I found myself goaded into getting a cup of cream of mushroom soup, too. Now, cream of mushrooms... the thought of eating flora makes me wanna puke — kind of like the thought of eating candy corn, except not quite as much — but I'm trying to be gastronomically open, and besides, the only other soup choice was vegetable orzo, which ain't much better.

Anyway, I open the container, and cream of mushroom soup is this speckled, oily substance the color of, well, fungus. I got a few drops on my spoon, sniffed, and down the hatch: it actually tasted bisquey and good, hardly the mold spore mixture I expected. And if I'd only heard it was the soup du jour, I would've eaten more. But unfortunately, I knew... it's cow-juice and fungus soup. I couldn't bring myself to do anything but sip.