What's worse than being the sort of person who can never think of a good retort is being the sort of person who thinks of a good retort, only months or years too late, after the conversation has been forgotten to the annals of minutiae. Case in point — a morning by the Broadway Hall elevators:

Jay to Uma: Are you and Sung-Min alright? I heard you two screaming last night.

Uma: Yeah, he was showing me "Jackass: The Movie." It's so stupid. Who likes that stuff?

I forget what I said, but since I was trying to impress her, it probably came off sounding retarded and not nearly as piercing as what I should've said...

Jay: Well, darlin', it's an outlet for his latent homoerotic angst.

It's trenchant and true! 8-P