I'm sure these companies are just trying to be difficult when they ask me how much I want to get paid. Sure, they put it in nice euphemisms — "salary requirements" — but they're really asking for a valuation of how much I think I'm worth. And then, they'll tell me that I'm wrong. I mean, no matter what, the prospective employee gets screwed — either you ask for less than you're worth and the Man snickers as he underpays you, or you ask for more than you're worth and the executives call you a greedy, egomaniacal jerk who'll never land a job with those kind of expectations.

So from this point on, I'm going to be honest. I'm looking for a job that pays fifteen million dollars. An hour. Also, I want benefits, a 401K, and a flat-screen plasma TV in my office. But I'm willing to negotiate.