Brains Versus Bad Language

My parents raised me to be a sweet, passive-agressive pussy — er, I mean person — and I've found that no matter where I go, I can't shake that totally pathetic persona. It's so ingrained that even in the relative anonymity and security of the cyberworld, I let people call me a loser and a fag without any sort of retaliation. That might make them angry.

So, I was playing Yahoo's cheap Scrabble ripoff, Literati, and this guy "spasticasautisticus" — I'm assuming the screenname "doucheyasshole64" was already taken — sits down to play with me. The first thing he says to me is just plain cryptic: leave it out what the fvck is that. I ignore him, mostly because I can't even understand what the hell this jerk is trying to say, although someone trying to play Scrabble really ought to have a better grasp of the damn language.

Then I play "win," "mi," and "en" for 22 points. The following conversation ensues:

Loser jackass: what is mi mean
Me: as in do-re-me[sic].... it's solfege notation
Me: sorry, do-re-mi-fa...
Loser jackass: is your fvcking head the size of a fvcking planet you big headed cvnt
Me: your jealousy amuses me

And this douchebag leaves in a huff! He can't think of a retort, and I guess he used up all his swear words. My wit and psychological acuity defeats this asshole! Yay for me!