Grandma: I called you last night, why didn't you pick up the phone?

Jay: [hesitates] I was busy masturbating.

[Grandma gives me a dirty look.]

Jay: Well, you asked.

---

Grandma's not satisfied. Strangely enough, she wants to continue this conversation; and, to be honest, I really don't have much of a problem with doing so, now that I've gotten myself started. "So why didn't you call me afterward?" she asks. Well, by the time I finished, forty-five minutes later, it was 11:30 and I figured she was asleep. I told her the second half of that.