Cooking With Chemistry

I was looking in our refrigerator for something to make for breakfast and I found what could best be described as individually-wrapped slices of "Sharp Cheddar Artificial Flavor Non-Fat Pasteurized Process Cheese Product." This stuff is so not cheese that they can't even legally call it "cheese"! But it is fat free. Yum.

I actually wonder what it would be like to have an entire meal made of all straight-from-the-earth ingredients — nothing cooked up in a lab. Haven't had one of those in a loooooong, long time. For example, we gave up butter for margarine a while back because those milk-cows weren't exactly concerned about Mom's arteries, and now we've given up margarine for this vegetable oil substance called "Benecol," that looks and tastes like the unwanted bastard child of butter. I can't imagine what kind of anti-epicure mad scientist is creating this stuff, but I bet he has very low cholesterol.

So I tried the Sharp Cheddar Artificial Flavor Non-Fat Pasteurized Process Cheese Product, and it tastes like a dirty test tube. But I guess it's still a step up from that cheese that sprays out of an aerosol can.

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"You know, Mother, this could almost have passed for a palatable banana pudding, but without Nilla wafers it's just another one of your wretched culinary abortions." —Family Guy