A Letter To Pat Roberts (R-KS), Chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee

Dear Senator Roberts:

I saw the movie Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams last night, and even though I hadn't seen the original Spy Kids, I still found the movie pretty easy to follow. There is one thing I didn't understand, and I thought perhaps you could explain it to me. Why is the government squandering my hard-earned tax dollars hiring all these adult spies when the Spy Kids are just as good and probably a whole lot cheaper?

Once you rubber-stamp John Negroponte's confirmation as the new Director of National Intelligence, you might want to have him look into this. If he needs a starting point, I can suggest Agent Cody Banks and Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, as well as LSD. I think he will agree that instead of relying on our satellite intelligence regarding North Korea, we can just send the Spy Kids there instead. That would probably confuse the living hell out of Kim Jong Il, and here in America we'd be spared Daryl Sabara's pathetic mouth-breathing over-enunciating attempts at acting.

Unless that's his cover, a kid who can't act.

Anyway, thanks for listening. If you ever need my advice on other matters, like who we should hire to deal with our nation's vampire slaying needs, don't hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,

Jay Harris,
Patriotic American