Friday, July 15, 2005


Turns out that Justin had no idea he's my high school arch-nemesis. For about five minutes, he seemed pretty proud of himself. I don't think it's anything to be proud about — not because being my arch-nemesis is a bad thing but because I'm such a misanthrope that it really doesn't take all that much to earn a ticket to my future plutonium mines. That all being said, I'm sure that Justin's got better things to worry about than whether I like him, and he's probably gone from not knowing about this rivalry I've conjured up for us to not caring about it, which is even more pathetic for me. It's sort of like Batman telling one of Gotham City's criminals, "You know, you're such an incompetent boob that we're not even gonna bother with your inept crime wave. Robin and I, we're gonna do some grocery shopping, maybe head over to the laundromat, and there's some light bulbs in the Batcave that need changing. Your lame ass will probably just wind up in jail on it's own."

But for a bright, shining moment, Justin told me he "still doesn't know what I did to you." I am such a hormonal woman right now, but: Exactly. Here's an example of what I'll call the George Dubya Bush Patriotic Speech Fallacy: that I can't hate on people unless they've done something to me. Bullshit. I bet that ninety percent of the contempt in the world isn't born of any kind of overt action from the hated. Racism, misogyny, homophobia, those douchebags who blew up the London subways and buses. Some dude has an inferiority complex and he just starts hating on whoever happens to exacerbate it. Let's say you're afraid of women because you're horny and not getting any and that hurts. You become a misogynist. Or you're struggling to support yourself financially and you turn racist, taking out your frustration on groups traditionally discriminated against. The terrorists don't hate freedom, as some of our presidents (cough, cough) claim; they hate decadence, and who better personifies decadence than Americans?

My acrimony is more pedestrian (and much less interesting) than that. Justin didn't get to fill my arch-nemesis niche by doing anything; he's my arch-nemesis because of what he represents. This is where the whole Batman metaphor looks like it's breaking down. He's the epitome of myself with an urbane, insouciant lifestyle, something that's totally alien and apparently unattainable for me. No existential crises, none of this passive-aggressive nonsense. The sweet life.