Sunday, August 7, 2005

I haven't written anything in a little over a week, and that's because I believe I've totally lost my ability to communicate. It started last Thursday, when I got a call from this tech recruiter named Mike. Mike wanted to place me at some Wall Street firm called Knight Financial Equity Capital Market Trading Something Something Something. Mike was inhumanly motivated towards this goal, and he apparently mistook me for someone equally motivated.

Which was kind of awkward, bullshitting to Mike like I was dying to work at Knight. It got worse after the interview, when I accidentally managed to negotiate an extra ten-thousand dollars for myself. I was meeting with the Knight human resources lady and she asked me where else I was interviewing. The honest answer to that question was, "Nowhere else." But that wasn't the correct answer. Not wanting to look like a total shlub, I told Human Resources Lady that I had interviews scheduled at "Merrill" and "Goldman" and that's why the Knight people thought they'd sweeten the deal for me. That's a perfect example of what I'm going to call the George Tenet Law of Prevarication.

Problem is that Mike the Recruiter found out about Knight's offer and he couldn't have been more excited. Mike called me right after the interview and he called again later that day to see how I was coming along on making a decision.

And then he started phone-stalking me.

That Monday, Mike must have called my cell phone about thirty times and he left me six messages, all of which started off, "JAAAAAAYYYYYY!" like he hasn't seen me in a long time and he's trying to sell me a used car. More calls on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday, he actually called me not once, not twice, but three times at work. The first time I didn't realize it was him, cause I figured that no recruiter would be so tactless as to actually call a prospect up at his current job, so I was stuck there talking to him, listening to him try and sell me on this position. I had one of those imaginary interviews I told the Knight human resources lady about that day, so I bought myself a few hours of peace with that lie. But by mid-afternoon, Mike's calling my cell phone and my work number every half-hour.

Now, most of the time, I'm the person making the phone calls every half-hour, so I had no idea how freaking exhausting it is ducking someone's calls, especially when they've got their number blocked from caller ID. To be honest, the pressure of just trying to decide whether to accept Knight's offer was difficult enough to manage, and Mike harassing me was too much. I was simply wiped out. I emailed Mike that afternoon and turned down the job (and told him for future reference that he came on kind of strong) and went home feeling like shit, having given up what's probably the best offer I'll get for what's probably the stupidest reason imaginable.

Mike, obviously, didn't quite understand the concept of "you're coming on too strong," because he called and emailed a few more times begging me to reconsider. It's not going to happen. I've spent the past week in bed, hiding under the blankets in case the phone rings.