The Hollywood Foreign Press Association released their nominees for the 63rd Annual Golden Globes, leaving all America asking, "Who the fuck is the Hollywood Foreign Press Association?" I'll tell you. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is a group of Los Angeles-based journalists working for overseas publications. The Golden Globes raise money (uh... how???) for "entertainment-related charities," which sounds to me like doublespeak for buying Gwenyth Paltrow's freaky-named kid a pony.

I will not be watching the Golden Globes because I have a brain and can therefore decide for myself what movies and TV shows I like. I only saw one of the nominated movies, and in case you're wondering, it wasn't the gay cowboy movie. It was The Constant Gardener, which I only saw because City of God is one of the best movies ever made and I absolutely had to see Fernando Meirelles' follow-up (which reminds me that I still need to see Jarhead.) Fortunately, I've seen all of the nominated TV shows, so I'm more than capable of writing those bastards at the HFP a nasty letter about how they got all the nominations wrong and how I'll see them burn in hell before Grey's Anatomy wins any awards.

If you'd like to join me in telling off the HFP, their e-mail address is info@hfpa.org. You can call them at (310) 657-1731 and tell an unpaid intern that he or she works for a group of douchebags with bad taste who are systematically ruining American culture, or you can fax them at (310) 657-5576 and have that same intern throw your complaints out in what's most likely a diamond-studded elephant-foot wastebasket.