I'm damn sick and tired of hypocrisy, but I'm also quickly becoming sick and tired of this ubiquitous American response to hypocrisy: "Oh my God, I am absolutely shocked at the way this self-interested, greedy, power-hungry, reprobate entity advocates particular value in public but then betrays those values in its private behavior!" Like, I caught the NBC News special report they were running this morning in response to Dubya's press conference. I don't even bother watching our president since I already pretty much know what he's going to say, like I'll bet the press conference went something like this: "We're fighting a war on terror, war on terror, 9/11, war on terror, God, God, 9/11, evil Bush cackle..." — and that's Dubya's answer to a question about Medicare.

Anyway, I'm missing Ellen and instead I've got Brian Williams and Tim Russert talking about how Bush denied knowing Washington bribemaster Jack Abramhoff but then — and I hope you're sitting down for this — Time magazine found no fewer than six photographs of Bush and Abramhoff together! Both Williams and Russert had the fucking gall to look disillusioned reporting this, like their combined half-decade in journalism totally didn't prepare them for a high-powered Republican public official and a high-powered Republican lobbyist appearing at the same Hannukah parties. I could understand if, say, Barbara and Jenna caught Dubya and Jack totally making out backstage at the inaugural ball, but seriously, stop going all deer-in-the-headlights when you learn that our corrupt politicans are corrupt.

We also learned a few days ago that the Motion Picture Association of America, which has been in the middle of a completely ridiculous anti-piracy campaign — like I'm actually gonna spend money on a bootleg copy of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants hand-filmed off some Chinese sweatshop wall — is now itself being accused of, guess what, movie piracy. This indie documentary director with an unfortunate name, Kirby Dick, made an exposé of the MPAA division that decides that, say, Whale Rider is as inappropriate for children as Big Momma's House 2. His thesis is essentially that the MPAA's parental guidance suggesters are prudish, homophobic, toadies to the big studios, and unaccountable for their decisions. Not sure why, but Dick submitted his polemic to the MPAA for a rating, which was when they surreptitously — and, according to their website illegally — made a copy. I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT AN ANONYMOUS GROUP OF SELF-APPOINTED MORAL ARBITERS WOULD STEAL SOMETHING WHEN IT SUITS THEIR PURPOSE.

No, but I was reading Roger Ebert's review of the movie from Sundance and, yeah, he's like a super-naive human being who thought the Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard was just as good as The Godfather: Part 2, but I want to smack the man when he reports the MPAA's movie theft as mere "Rich Irony."

No wonder everybody thinks they can get away with any old thing if we're all gonna be this oblivious. Let me tell you a secret. Wal-Mart underpays its female employees and locks its illegal Mexican workers in the stores overnight. Unqualified political appointees are running our government. Pharmaceutical companies are sending your doctors on vacations to Swiss ski resorts in exchange for pushing their overpriced drugs on you. I'll bet you a hundred bucks that like five years from now, we all learn that Sam Alito has some crazy sex life behind his crying wife's back — people that Republican always have something kinky going on under the table. I just think it would be nice if we could all open our eyes and be on the lookout for these out-of-control individuals before they crash into us.