Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Season of Love

I'm at that age where it seems like all of my friends are getting married, or would be getting married if they lived in Canada. Let me say that I'm all for gay marriage; in fact, I strongly believe that, as a nation, we should be encouraging gay marriage, and even gay polygamy, because anything that reduces the number of dudes I'm competing with in the dating pool is fine by me. By the same token, I'm also vehemently against straight marriage, and someone really ought to propose a Constitutional amendment defining marriage as an institution that doesn't cut into my already slim chances of ever getting some. I don't see why the Republicans aren't getting behind this.

I find a measure of redemption in the divorce statistics. About half of first marriages end in divorce, thus replenishing the dating pool with bitter, jaded, somewhat worse-for-the-wear women. Not to mention the marriages that end up featured on Court TV; you figure a certain percentage have to be mariticides (would you believe I can't find stats on this?!) and a certain percentage of those are gonna result in acquittals. I figure there will probably be a point in my life when I'm desperate enough to settle for a woman provided she's only murdered one previous husband.