What? No Secret Decoder Ring?

You know, just when you come to think you'll always be an outcast, along comes a club that loves you for who an arbitrary psychological test claims you are. That's right, I got accepted into Mensa — it's like Delta Sig for nerds — so take that, ninety-eight percent of the population I'm ostensibly smarter than! My games of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons are gonna so rock the hell out of yours!

So what does being an official Mensa member get you, aside from the constant smartypants pressure you've got to endure from members of the Prometheus Society? For starters, a big, thick envelope stuffed with a folder, proudly announcing (literally), "We're happy to have you as a member!" I have a Mensa membership card, which I promptly tore up because my fifty-two dollar annual membership apparently isn't enough to cover laminating costs. And there's a questionnaire plus Scantron form... ah, good old #2 pencil, how I've missed you.

Mensa membership also includes a subscription to Mensa Bulletin, the official magazine of American Mensa. It's kind of like that magazine your alumni association sends you even though you didn't ask for it, except duller. Hey, an article about the Latinate history of English word pluralizations... God, I love being smart. This is so much better than that Shape magazine I was reading in my pre-high IQ days.