Unlucky Audience Member

I'm getting to see a taping of The Daily Show as part of my fake news class, and I couldn't be (too much) more excited. I saw The Daily Show live once before, in my sophomore year of college, and it was probably the funniest half hour of my higher education… unlike the Letterman show: painfully, but not unexpectedly, lame. The only thing is that I seem to have the absolute worst luck as a studio audience member, like I always get the seat way, way, in the back corner, overlooking the sound booth. They've got some intern or something usher you into the studio – it's a very slaughterhouse type of experience – and it just never pays to be first in that line. You might know, for example, that Letterman comes out before the show and talks with his audience, but I bet you didn't know he completely snubs the entire damn balcony.

And I always get the most pathetic guests. The first time I saw The Daily Show, the guest was Rob Morrow. Who? Exactly. On Letterman, I got to squint at Kristen Davis – post-Sex and the City shark-jumping – and some nine year old who knew a lot about baseball. I guess Regis Philbin and Al Franken were busy that night. And tonight's guest is the author of Stem Cell Wars, some book I've never heard of. If I were home, I'd be checking out what's on Futurama during this segment of the comedy.

What really irritates me is that you can only get ten group tickets at a time, so our class had to split up and go to two different tapings. Guess who the special guest was for the other taping... George fucking Clooney. I don't even like George Clooney or care about what he has to say (really, I don't, shut up George), but at least I recognize him. When I pass him on the street, I text a message to the Gawker Stalker page. Rob Morrow – so what, he was in Northern Exposure? That was like fifteen years ago. I wouldn't even give up my seat on the subway for him.