Great Moments in Massage Chairs

You win, Brookstone. I concede victory to you and your lineage of ugly, overpriced, somewhat comfortable massage chairs. I was at the mall today, exhausted after ten minutes or so of walking around, so I popped into Brookstone for a robot backrub. The latest generation massage chairs have this big, big control panel with a ton of options: shiatsu, Swedish; more intensity, less intensity; kneading, rubbing, tapping; it controls your TV and your iPod and probably your garage door too. The Brookstone chair — the old generation chair, the one I grew up with — is quite possibly the world's most technologically advanced piece of furniture, like it was designed with Dr. Evil in mind. The new chair: I turn it on...

...and it starts talking to me, giving me instructions. Telling me how to sit in the chair ("head back, shoulders up against the rollers"). Thanks, Brookstone chair, but I've been sedentary enough in my short life that I don't need your advice. It's basically "ass on seat, get comfortable," right?