The first year I don't watch the Miss Teen USA Pageant and Miss Teen South Carolina gets asked to evaluate our nation's education system. Let's say you're in this situation, on the spot with Mario Lopez sticking a microphone in your face, and someone asking you why Americans can't find America on a map. The thoughts you gather, just during that first deep breath, might be something like, "Not enough schools, not enough teachers, culture glamorizes stupidity, too many kids in each classroom," and Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina — so she's like the best teenager in all of South Carolina — comes up with this:

And people want to hate on her for saying on stage what is probably the stupidest thing ever said, ever, in the history of the universe. But in her defense, has anyone shown that there isn't a correlation between maps per capita and Americans' ignorance of where we're actually located? No, they haven't, because it's the stupidest thing ever said, ever, in the history of the universe. So there.

I bet Margaret Spellings saw that, and she's right now drafting up a proposal — no child left undirected. Not like it's gonna be any less effective than the millions we've spent on abstinence education.