Thursday, August 2, 2007

Jesus For Sale!

Here's a video from the Associated Press about Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, revealing Himself to a hick family in Virginia (a fifteen minute drive from Jerry Falwell University) via an oil stain on their garage floor. An all-powerful manifestation of ultimate greatness and does He send a message of world peace, or the meaning of life? No. A fuzzy self-portrait on a garage floor. Thank you, Jesus. You really saved mankind with that one.

The family claims that their Jesus pic is "hallowed ground," and they won't step on it. But apparently there's nothing in the Bible saying they can't tear it up and sell it to the highest bidder on eBay. So they did. After all, what's the point of having a miracle in your home if you can't make a buck or two off of it?

But did you catch the starting bid for "Image of Jesus Christ on Concrete APPEARED SUDDENLY?" A hundred dollars. Excuse me?? This is Jesus, the hand of God touching all mankind, and you're gonna sell it for barely enough money to buy a DVD player! It's not only sacrilegious, it's just bad bargaining.

But bad bargaining for some hick family out in the boonies is good bargaining for you, tech-savvy urbanite! The current bid is $430. Think of that. How much would you pay to have a divine image bless your home and family? A thousand dollars? Two thousand dollars? Well, right now, Image of Jesus Christ on Concrete APPEARED SUDDENLY can be yours for the low, low price of $430! That's less than the price of an iPhone, and for all the things the iPhone can do, it's not gonna be able to save your soul.

Also, make no payments until 2008! We have great financing, just the way Jesus would want.