Sunday, March 30, 2008

Making Out with

Hey, my profile got its first hit! It happened just before I upgraded to Profile 2.0, so I'm giving credit to Harrigan's portrait for this one. I can't really explain it, cause it's just an image but fits me, or I fit it, or something. I think my blanket fort photo that I use for this blog's profile captures my personality more fully: working, isolated, shrouded, but enjoying the child-like pretend of it all.

But people look at the content of the picture, rather than the decision to express yourself with one photo over another, so the blanket fort one comes out on the third(?) date. My computer-generated match doesn't have a photo on her profile; there's a little box that says something like "Photo will be available after the first date." Which, by then, it won't be quite as useful, will it?

Photo not available. That can't be a good sign, can it? It's not like your photo isn't in the yearbook because you were out that day; this subtext was a choice. I'm trying not to read into it, especially since on my proactive side, I'm not being the profound person we should all aspire to. I'm certain we'd — I would, and most of you would, too — make better decisions blind. sent a profile of this one really cute girl who I have absolutely nothing in common with (I guess the computer disagrees), and I'm having this primitive hormonal struggle to not press the "I'm Interested" button next to her pic. I'm sure I've rejected a few good matches, too, because they weren't what I'm looking for, literally.

Here's a link to an interesting article on first impressions, how accurate they are, and how quickly we make up our minds about someone.

The expectations, too, aren't working for me. You don't strike up a rapport with anybody, and there's no "take it slow" option. All of my previous girlfriends were my friends first... and of course, by "all," I mean "both," including the one who I never technically met, and I guess we were just friends for a week or so before making our tacit AOL commitment to each other ("You've Got Puppy Love!") but still, my point. There's less chance of rejection — always a fear — and it seems more organic. You two already like each other more than you like anybody else, so why not date?

This game of jumping right in because a computer told you to doesn't leave me feeling quite right. Don't guys become actors on their first date, feigning normalcy, interest, all kinds of crap they think the woman wants? And since the facade matches what she's been socialized to expect, she thinks that's his real personality. Sounds like an exhausting way to have a relationship. I'm not necessarily big on honesty — I'm for recognizing when mendacity is appropriate — seems like a first date would be the perfect time to be yourself. All you've got to lose is someone who wouldn't tolerate you well anyway. (Also self-esteem.)