Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Google Chrome: Is It Your Best Browser Choice for Porn Surfing?

Google released a beta of Chrome, their inexplicable new browser, yesterday to modest indifference even from the digital geek community. We already have two well-designed, relatively standards-compliant alternatives to Internet Explorer — Firefox and Opera — and just how many more variations on an innovation do we need when it comes to pulling bytes off a server? Chrome isn't that much of a misfit, but I'm used to my Firefox workflow, shortcut keys, and add-ons (except for Ctrl-Tab, which will never feel natural) and I don't see a lot of benefit from switching. Also, Google hasn't released a Mac-friendly version of Chrome, so there's another reason to stick with Firefox.

I was fiddling with Chrome this morning, since it would be nice to have a lightweight browser not crammed with extensions and widgets, and it confirmed all my predictions of blandness. The one feature that caught my eye is Chrome's incognito windows, which wipe themselves and their cookies, cache, and browser history from your computer automatically. But there are caveats. You can't expect security at work because it won't encrypt your requests and responses on the local network. Incognito windows won't keep the government and its telecom surrogates from illegally snooping on your browsing sessions either. (Google's documentation explicitly makes that point.) And they won't do much good in public either because — as I should've pointed out to the dilweeds next to me looking at fat, hairy naked guys and getting all moist — you're in freaking public! Have some shame!

Really, the only use I can think of for incognito windows is porn browsing on the family computer, which is what I tested it for, in the name of research, of course. The family and I don't share a computer, but I've still been using now-defunct Netscape 9 to compartmentalize... you know what, too much information. Let's just say that Netscape puts a ton of energy into swapping in and out of virtual memory, and no, that's not dirty. Chrome is supposedly lightweight, for a faster, more efficient naughty but banal experience, but I can't say I saw any real difference. Between looking up URL's and trying a bunch of username-password combinations, the switch wasn't worth it. And of all the things a Google browser should do well, YouTube videos played choppy — choppier than usual — and, wow I'm jumping through a lot of technical, un-erotic hoops for pictures of scantily-clad ladies.

So there's some work for Google to do in terms of helping me jack off. Maybe tomorrow, or in five minutes, I'll try Chrome's sandboxed asynchronously-threaded tabs and advanced JavaScript engine. Man, that's making me so horny.

Such a nerd.