The 246th Graduating Class requests the pleasure of your company at the

Senior Class Dinner
Monday, April 26, 2004
8:00 p.m.
South Lawn Tent

Five course meal and wine will be served.
Dress is semi-formal. Reservations are absolutely required.

RSVP online, individually or in groups of 5 or 10, by
Monday, April 19

Let's see how many things are wrong with this...

Exhibit A: "the pleasure of my company?" Obviously the 246th senior class doesn't know me very well. It's not like I'm making plans to sully and dampen what will surely be an affected, jovial affair. Yet.

I mean, I might have suggested having a Carrie-themed prom, but it's not like I actually brought the pig's blood or anything. It's just hard to bring pleasure and frivolity to a group of people who don't even snicker when you tell them that Carrie thing. Please. And when I come to the party with the pleasure of my company, don't ignore me. That just makes me want to use my telekinetic powers to kill people.

And it's semi-formal. Nothing makes me a source of pleasure like a tie choking me.

Location: a tent on the South Lawn. A tent???? What, are we going camping? You know, how come I keep getting the less-than-ambitious event planners? I bet the NYU seniors get their graduation meal at Atelier or Nobu, we get the state park. I mean, at the junior prom, at least we had a real floor.

Reservations are absolutely, postively, one thousand percent — no, one million percent — required.

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Fine, but I've got a solution. I'm throwing a party, and it's gonna be killer. This Saturday, at a very swanky, exclusive location. Free booze, clothing optional (for the girls, I mean). Sending out notices to the whole senior class: "Awesome party. Saturday night. You're not invited."

Best part is I don't even have to throw a party. See how all you like feeling insignificant.