I received the following from somebody who calls herself Melissa:

I have a job interview on Wed and I am interviewing at Hampton Inn which is owned by Hilton. I'm freakin about what to wear. I'm not even sure what position I am hiring for. I wonder if I could wear Khaki's, cuz I have no dress pants or skirts that look professional. I do have corduroy with a nice professional looking top. UG u gu gug ug ugug :)
Melissa

Here's my response to Melissa, if that is her real name (or even if it isn't):

Hi Melissa,

Here's what I'd do, if it were me. I'd stop freaking out about what to wear, and start freaking out about the fact that you don't know what position you're interviewing for. Imagine your mortification, "...and that is why, Mister Human Resources Executive, I would make a great assistant manager." "That's all very nice, Melissa, but we're actually looking for a valet. Nice pants, though."

Also, your computer appears to be having a seizure. You might want to get that checked out before you print out your resume.

—Jay

God, I'm an ass. No wonder no one replies to my instant messages.