Wednesday, February 9, 2005

Crimes Against Fashion

The Virginia legislature just passed a law making it illegal for kids to wear baggy, low-riding pants with their underwear exposed over the top. We learned about this from a CNN news report this morning, naturally accompanied by pictures of anonymous American asses and their overexposed rear ends. Just in case anyone's unfamiliar with the latest fashions.

Here's the story: It seems a Virginia delegate named Algie Howell, who, from the name alone, I'm willing to bet is an old geezer, was getting a lot of complaints from his constituents about the kids these days with their drawers hanging out their pants and their loud music going ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum. I get that last part from my grandmother, who, back then, had nice music like Frank Sinatra and Lawrence Welk. Algie believes that it's not Osama or the failure of social security that'll be the end of this great nation; it's exposed underwear. "To vote for this bill would be a vote for character," says Algie, "to uplift your community and to do something good not only for the state of Virginia, but for this entire country."

Thankfully, the ACLU is on the case, although I've got a better solution than litigation. The law only prohibits people from exposing their underwear in a "lewd or indecent manner." So I think we should all march on Virginia, underwear-free, wearing assless chaps in protest of the new law. Well, not me. I have a sense of shame. But if you're comfortable with your pants down anyway, why not try to protect your rights to do so?