Monday, February 7, 2005

I caught Digging Up The Truth on the History Channel, which seemed like a cool premise. They follow this adventurer guy Josh around exotic locations as he searches for lost treasure, Indiana Jones style. This week, Josh was hunting for the Ark of the Covenant the Indy way: by interviewing random priests and monks who all claim to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy whose brother heard something about a guy who saw the Ark a few years back. So you think there's a story here. Josh starts at Mount Sinai, then goes to the Temple of Jerusalem, then announces he's found this church where they have a real life Ark of the Covenant. Break for commercial.

We're back, and it turns out the whole church with the real life Ark was just a red herring. Every Ethiopian Orthodox church has a replica of the Ark since some Ethiopian king took the Ark back home with him after a trip to Jerusalem. Very funny, Josh, getting my hopes up of seeing some Ten Commandments and then letting me down. It's off to Ethiopia.

Long story short, Josh braves floods, storms, hippos, and bandits, getting closer and closer to the Ark, visiting places that once housed the Ark and still house some of the Ark's travel accessories. Eventually, Josh and his guide wind up in this little Ethiopian village, and there's this little temple there, and they stop at the front gate, and.... Well, they claim that the Ark's in that temple, but no one's allowed past the front gate except the Guardian, a priest with a rather limited worldview who never goes beyond the gate. Certainly, we mere television viewers aren't holy enough to get a look at the Ark.

What a jip! First of all, who the hell knows what's in that temple? They probably get the dirty cable channels in there or something and they don't want anybody to know. I mean, I could claim that I have a unicorn in my room but no one's allowed in to see it, and you wouldn't believe me. (At least, you shouldn't believe me.) I'm not gonna take that Guardian at face value until I can see the Ark for myself, cause if you see it on TV, then it's gotta be true.