Did you all see the "Puppy Bowl" on the Animal Planet channel? No, of course not, you were too busy watching big, sweaty men pile on each other. But if you weren't watching the Superbowl, FCC-sanitized for your protection, the Puppy Bowl was a viable alternative and doubtless the cutest thing ever broadcast. I'm not quite sure what the point of the Puppy Bowl is or how your dog wins it or why it even needs to be a "Bowl." It's basically six hours of puppies playing with, sniffing, and humping each other to the unoffensive sound of elevator music, complete with instant replay and a gratuitous field-level "puppy cam." Every now and then, a John Madden-ish guy makes some non-sensical announcement like, "If you think these puppies are the best of the best, take a look at this," before cutting to a computer-animated pterodactyl or something.

The best part of the Puppy Bowl (okay, the second best part — those puppies are so cuuuuuute.... awwww) is the referee. He doesn't keep a twenty pound labrador from beating up on a three pound French bulldog, but he does come on the field occasionally to announce where the dogs crapped on the field. Gotta wonder what the audition for that role was like.

Gotta wonder how many desperate actors there were willing to take that role.

Gotta wonder why you can't toilet train a dog like you can a cat.