Thursday, May 5, 2005

I Didn't Even Know MTV Did Real News

As if we didn't have enough reasons to stay the fuck out of Texas (i.e. Enron, Tom Delay, Walker), legislators down in the Lone Star State have passed a bill that prohibits salacious cheerleading at public school-sponsored events. I guess that Texas's mathletes have been more and more distracted over the last few years, having trouble focusing on their cosines and tangents with all those short skirts and halter tops bumping and grinding over their calculators, and one lawmaker, Al Edwards, decided to take action. This is a quote from Al where he reveals what a pervert he is: "I feel very strongly that the inappropriate, sexy dance routines I've been seeing for a few years now are unacceptable."

Hold on, now, Al! You've been seeing these "unacceptable" dance routines for a few years now? I'm heterosexual and horny yet I've managed to go my whole life without seeing an entire cheerleading routine.

Al continued, "I think it's sickening, these young, nubile cheerleaders I see every weekend shaking their firm asses in my face, and it's disgusting how I cum all over myself when I spy on them at practice from behind the bleachers in the gym after school."

No, what Al really said is a bit more politic:
"It's not conducive to good, healthy, moral cultural development." The truth is, Al, that living in Texas isn't conducive to good, healthy, moral cultural development. Oh, would you like some propane and a confederate flag with that gun you just purchased?