Actual Size

I saw this woman on the train coming home with an iPod nano, and I'm there with my gigantic four-inch iPod and the two of us are totally jealous. It was my first time face-to-face with one of them, and I can't believe how tiny the iPod nano is. Pretty soon they'll be implanting the iPod zepto directly into your eardrum, and everybody with those annoying white buds sticking out of their ears can simmer with envy at technophiles having Maroon 5 blasted directly into their brains.

Apple will also make the "iPod zepto: U2 Special Edition" that also pumps a feeling of self-importance and a compulsion to exploit human suffering in the name of rock star fame. God, I hate U2. And Angelina Jolie.

On the other end of the spectrum, Apple will be putting out an eighty gigabyte iPod. Meanwhile my desktop computer only has a fifteen gig hard drive. Okay, Steve Jobs — game over. You win. I'd seriously like to meet the person who has trouble fitting all their music on the sixty gigabyte, fifteen thousand song iPod — that one guy in the world with fifteen thousand and three favorite songs.