Monday, February 6, 2006

Again, why I hate everybody: The New York Times has an article about the new corporate leadership at Paramount, the company that's contributed such priceless artistic visions as Sahara and Laguna Beach to the American culture. I'm going to quote the Times' one-sentence summary of the article, "Brad Grey has a plan for reviving Paramount, which includes buying good scripts and betting heavily on talented executives and filmmakers."

Brad Grey is getting a seven-figure paycheck for the brilliant idea of buying quality raw materials and having competent people make their products. Re-ally. I can see why Hollywood is so tough to break into; it takes a total visionary way ahead of his time to come up with a plan like that. What was Paramount's old business plan? Turning fetid, mediocre scripts over to some CEO's hack nephew to direct? Letting insufferable teenage idiots ad lib a self-indulgent show about themselves? Oh, right... that was their old business plan.

I have a proposal for the shareholders at Paramount. I'll come up with similarly clever ideas to revitalize your studio, such as keeping your producers away from nitrous oxide before they go and greelight an "Untitled Battle of the Network Stars" movie, and all I'd ask in return is, say, a hundred bucks and maybe a couple sneak preview passes to Zodiac.