A Completely Impartial Review of the 78th Annual Academy Awards

I didn't watch 'em.

I like Jon Stewart a lot and the day I saw The Daily Show taped live was like the funniest day of my life, but it's obvious Gil Cates only hired Stewart to pander to me, and I resent that. Not to mention how Grizzly Man wasn't up for a best documentary Oscar, The Squid and the Whale was totally snubbed, and for the sixth year in a row, the Academy failed to notice my own subtle supporting performance in Some Random Japanese Tourist Video. Between this and being passed over for People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive — again — I'm starting to get pretty damn disillusioned with Hollywood.