A Completely Impartial Review of Starbucks' New Green Tea Latte

I'd like to begin by mentioning that this review is in no way biased by the fact that half my latte sloshed out of the cup, through the lid, and onto my shirt in the two block walk between Starbucks and work. With that out of the way, I'd also like to mention that I'm not an idiot: I'm aware that even though I might like two flavors each on their own, they might not make such a good pair when thrown in the blender together. For example, I like pork and I like ice cream, but I don't think I'd like pork ice cream. Same goes with the green tea and steamed milk combination. Why not throw some horseradish or orange juice or maybe toothpaste in there just to capture the whole rainbow of astringent tastes?

The green tea latte itself is just a little too sugary to not fall into the "saccharine" category and a little too milky to not fall into the "bland" category. It's like they're fighting each other in my mouth and what's left is the taste of early-morning and after-dinner beverage carnage, dead on my tongue. It's not sharp enough to make me gag, but the green tea latte isn't exactly pleasant either. I sort of imagine this is what the meat candy will taste like if I leave it in the package for twenty years, then disregard all of the bizarre safety warnings on the things and pop em in my mouth.