Friday, June 15, 2007

Just when you thought Pants Lawsuit Guy couldn't possibly be a more infinitly huge jackass abusing the legal system, Reuters reports that Pants Lawsuit Guy has become an even huger jackass. In case you've been busy following seriously less disturbing courtroom news, here's the story in a nutshell. This guy, Roy Pearson, took a suit to this Korean dry cleaners for alterations. The dry cleaner lost his pants. Then they found his pants, only Roy says those aren't his pants. Now Roy is suing the dry cleaner for $54 million, because they had a sign in their window that said "Satisfaction Guaranteed," and he wasn't satisfied. Some of that money — $15,000 a day — is for covering the expense of renting a car to drive to another dry cleaners. Oh, did I forget to mention that someone appointed Roy as an administrative law judge in the District of Columbia? Yeah, they did. I guess it's not too surprising in a city that elected a crackhead mayor.

Even the wire services aren't hiding their contempt for Pants Lawsuit Guy, as the Reuters report reads, "Pearson's lawsuit has drawn international ridicule. It also drew plenty of chuckles from spectators who crowded into the stuffy municipal courtroom. Even Bartnoff [the judge] had a hard time keeping a straight face as Pearson, wearing a gray pinstripe suit and a stained lavender tie, wielded a 6-inch-thick (15-cm-thick) binder of laws and court decisions that he said bolstered his case." You've got to admire this jerkwad's dedication, if nothing else (and seriously, there's absolutely nothing else about PLG that's worth admiring). He uses his esoteric legal knowledge to exploit some immigrants who don't really speak English, then everybody in the world calls him on it, and what does he do? He shows off his esoteric legal knowledge! Brilliant defense! He's his own counsel, by the way, and he really illustrates the adage about the lawyer representing himself having a fool for a client.

Pants Lawsuit Guy managed to catapult himself into unseen levels of jackassery when he announced that, although he's suing for $54 million, he only needs $2.5 million to cover the emotional distress he suffered by having his pants switched on him. Yeah, that ought to just about cover it. PLG is planning on donating the other $51.5 million dollars he'll never, ever see to a fund for other victims of mild inconvenience who feel the need to abuse our justice system for comically hyperbolic revenge. PLG said his winnings would be used "as an incentive for other attorneys in private practice to take on these kinds of cases."

The plus side is that Pants Lawsuit Guy is gonna feel soooooo stupid when those pants mysteriously turn up in the back of his closet.


bernie said...

Great stuff. Thanks for linking to me.