Pre-Emptive Movie Review

I want to mention how much I'm looking forward to not seeing Saw V this weekend. I'll be missing out on the cinematic genius of the production designer on the made-for-Animal Planet movie Cybermutt ("Part Dog. Part Machine. All Best Friend.") and the second unit director of Saw IV, plus what I'm sure is a brilliant, pithy, philosophically insightful screenplay by the guys who probably got paid more to write Feast 3: The Happy Ending than I make in a year, but I have toenails that need clipping, carpet fibers that need counting, and three Takashi Miike DVD's in my Netflix queue.

Aside: has anybody, anywhere ever seen Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds — Oh! I get it! It's dirty! — or Feast 1: Original Flavor?

Second aside: If anyone does see this, feel free to spoil the ending for me. I will totally pay eleven bucks to watch Saw V if it turns out that Luke from Gilmore Girls is the killer.... Well, probably not, but I might check out ironically on DVD.