I caught a few minutes of the MTV Video Music Awards the other day, and there was this obese rapper on-stage getting the whole audience semi-dancing. I mean, people like Will Smith and J. Lo, who should be able to afford better music. Seriously, can you believe these douchebags are getting paid millions of dollars for saying "Lean back!" and "Yeah!" over and over again? Lyrics that capture the spirit of a lazy and retarded-ass generation.

Honestly, I don't think there's been a bigger gathering of no-talents since Jessica Simpson — or J. Simp, as I call her — had her last family reunion.

A few other points that must be made:

• Marc Anthony looks like the poor man's Steven Weber. (I know, I know, you thought Steven Weber was the poor man's Steven Weber. Turns out Steven Weber is the poor man's Tim Daly.)
• Usher is freaking gay!!! He dances and dresses like the sixth member of 'NSync. His videos, with the synchronized choreography, look like boy band videos did five years ago. And you've never seen him and Lance Bass together, have you???
• What was the point of having the Bush twins and the much hotter Kerry daughters on stage together? Was there supposed to be a catfight or something? You know, I don't think the audience was booing the Kerry daughters so much as they were booing the fact there wasn't a mudwrestling ring on-stage with them.