Privacy, Please

My mother is a very, let's say, invasive person. She tells this story about these friends of hers, a couple, who didn't believe in privacy. They had no doors in their house, including in the bathroom. She said that when you went to visit them, you learned really quickly to go before you left home. Mom's not that much better. I mean, our bathrooms and bedrooms have doors; they're just never closed. Example: I slept with my bedroom door open till I was in middle school; my parents still sleep with their bedroom door open. It worked for me, in part because I didn't know any better and in part because, if there were monsters in my closet, I'd be able to run out of my room and hide in their bed. Another example: it was just last year that I trained Mom to knock on my bedroom door before barging in. It took another year to train her to wait for me to invite her in.

For Christ's sake, it'd be easier training a dog.

Mom also has this habit of hanging out in my room, moving things around, putting stuff on my bed even though I explicity screamed at her to never, as long as I live, put anything on my bed, and generally using my bedroom as her own personal storage space. She wanders in randomly, and when I was younger, there were some close calls when the needling bitch nearly caught me masturbating. (Now, I hold off on the porn till both she and Dad are out of the house.... Which hasn't happened in the past four days.... Dear God, I'm frustrated....)

So, I'm planning on teaching her a lesson. See, I've got this markerboard in my room, and I'm illustrating it with a digital photo, in case you're unfamiliar with the concept of a markerboard:

Anyway, I'm imagining her coming into my room, uninvited, naturally, and finding that I left a little message for her on the markerboard:

From here, there's a number of ways I can go, but the general idea is playing a prank on that nosy bitch so she finally learns to mind her own business. I'll give her a week of looking over her shoulder before I finally fess up. "Well, you shouldn't have been in my room."

That would show her, for about two days.