Today's tree-decorating day, a Harris family tradition which, like most Harris family traditions, has become more and more perfunctory over time. Not that the tradition was all that exciting to begin with: it usually began with the customary "Strangling the Tree with Christmas Lights Only to Later Discover that One String is Burnt Out Even Though We Double-Checked Them All Beforehand," followed by the annual "Dad Getting Frustrated and Mom Placating Him by Running To Drug Fair To Buy More Lights." Sounds like a total blast, doesn't it. Eventually, we'd get the lights working and the garland on the tree, during which Mom and Dad have their annual tinsel discussion:

Mom: They don't make good tinsel anymore. The tinsel they make nowdays is too fluffy.

Dad: I keep telling you, if you happen to see tinsel like this [limp, fraying 1970's tinsel we put on our tree] to buy it.

Mom: Well, every year I look, but I can't find it.

Fascinating.

Now I join in the ufn and start hanging ornaments on the tree. I've got a box of ornaments gifted to me over the years from people who thought, "This little knick-knack says 'Jay' on it. Jay will love it." I don't know how the whole ornament thing goes over in other families, but in ours, it's pretty much concert-hall quiet cause Dad's playing his "Nutcracker Suite" LP (remember those?) and Tchaikovsky is more interesting than anything we have to say to each other. Maybe other families get all nostalgic, remembering the Christmas they picked up this ornament or that. Or maybe the kids are all running around, sugar-hyper, fighting over who gets to put the favorite ornaments on the tree while Mom and Dad are keeping each other warm by the fire. In our home, Dad occasionally reminds us to hang ornaments inside the tree to "make it more three-dimensional," or I'll tell Mom that an ornament is ugly (we have a lot of ugly, lacy, frilly Christmas shit — a lot of which I made in elementary school) and Mom tells me that she'll hide on the back of the tree.

Gee, what could possibly be more fun?

Now, the past four years, I was away at college while all this excitement was happening here at home, and I have to say that amidst the Barney's Christmas windows (the only things at Barney's that I could afford) and the Rockefeller Center tree, I didn't really miss the plastic family tree. There were a few ornaments that I had this strange emotional attachment to, but you know, in high school, year after year, I got tired of putting little metal hooks on plastic branches earlier and earlier. Dad, for his part, never really cared that much — or at least he never showed it. But this is the first year that I got to thinking: was tree-decorating ever fun. I don't mean, was it enjoyable; I mean, was it Space Mountain, tickling Anne's belly, raving all night high on ketamine fun. Something you'd wait all year for fun. And the answer is a resounding, dull no.

Maybe next year, I'll just celebrate Festivus.