Friday, February 4, 2005

Liberal Weenies

I was watching a thrilling half-debate/half-confrontation thing on The Abrams Report on MSNBC. Dan was talking about those prurient Superbowl ads, and Dan's panel discussing the topic included some advertising industry lobbyist bent on subverting our children's moral fabric, a right-winger psycho-Christian who desperately needed to get laid, and an academic-slash-liberal weenie. Let's describe the punditry in action here. God's tool there was using the standard right-wing debate tactic of loud interruption, meanwhile the hippie liberal kept repeating, "Who decides what's offensive?" Over and over again. "Who decides what's offensive?" Like that's gonna stop the psycho-Christian.

See, who decides what's offensive really is an important issue for everyone, even the extremist right-wingers among us. We all think there are ideas in the world that should be kept away from others; the difference between me and the conservative America-haters is that I don't trust my fellow citizens to be judicious censors. I don't think that's an unreasonable position, given the last four years of government censorship — the Howard Stern indecency fines, the Janet Jackson thing last year, John "Der Furher" Ashcroft covering up the statue of Justice. I'd rather let my fellow crazy cretins spread their ideas than risk being prohibited from spreading mine.

Neither Dan Abrams nor crazy God guy thought this was an issue worth addressing. Dan was blunt: The FCC decides what offends America. God guy didn't even bother to respond. What about the children, he asked indignantly.

So liberal weenie correctly tells God guy something like if you don't want your kids watching the Cialis commercials during the Superbowl, then watch the Disney channel or the cartoon channel or something else. Turn off the TV.

And God guy says, "Should I have to watch the Superbowl with the remote in my hand to change the channel as soon as something I don't want my kids seeing comes on?" Which should be right where we want him.

Except neither liberal weenie nor the advertising industry guy is able to answer him. Let me help you out, dude. Yes, God guy, you need the damn remote. In case you haven't noticed, you don't pay a dime to watch the Superbowl, and the Superbowl is free because a company that makes a pill to keep your dick erect sponsors the event. You want to see the Superbowl commercial-free, buy a damn Tivo, asshole. And if you're that concerned about your kids, you would turn the TV off and give them a book to read, preferably a non-Bible book. Maybe you can't watch the Superbowl until your kids are mature enough to handle the concept of erectile dysfunction, and that's a sacrifice you've got to make. But you're a stereotypical American, God guy, which means you're also a stereotypical Christian, which means you're a hypocrite and unwilling to make sacrifices for others.

I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to speak freely because you're a self-centered parent, jackass. If the liberal guy had said this, it might've shut that conservative freakwad up for a few seconds.